Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Haute Mom Dilemma #9 ~ All Parents Are Not Created Equal

I am a mom. I am not a pro and this is the first time I have been a mom. The only knowledge that I have is what has been passed on to me by others and research I have done on my own. I would consider myself a somewhat intelligent woman, but I'm no Dr. Spock. I do what I can for my baby girl and sometimes that may mean pushing mey bladder to the limit or skipping a meal...or two. So here is my question: Why can't dads do the same? What is up with the expectations and things that we do for our children yet their own fathers cannot? My mom explains it as a mother's instinct but I do not buy it. Before I go on here, let me just say that I do believe that my husband does more than many other fathers. At least I know he does more than my own father did around our house. He takes care of most dinners (we eat out all the time). chips in with the household cleaning, and I even got him to fold laundery last night at midnight. That being said, I still have some things to drop off for the complaint window. What's the deal with the selfishness?
Here are some examples:
Example #1
Me: Honey, can you take Stella for me while I use the restroom please?
Hubby: Sure, but I need to go to the bathroom so let me go first.
Me: I am glad you are home. I have some work to do before I go to my meeting. Can you take Stella for a bit so I can get it done?
Hubby: Well I am really tired. Stella kept me up last night while you were feeding her. I need a nap.
Example #3
Me: Can you change the baby's diaper while I get her bag ready?
Hubby: Really? I already did you a favor by watching her this afternoon.
(Yes, haute moms, that is no joke)
Example #4
Me: Honey, you need to take the baby now so you can give her a bottle. She is hungry.
Hubby: I don't need to do anything. I will take her but I don't have to if I don't want to.

This may not seem like a big deal but let me tell you. This type of behavior on a weekly basis is frankly getting irritating. I may have given birth to my child but she is not just my child. I stay home with her all day long and don't always get to do whatever I feel like doing because I have someone more important now. Why is it that the hubby feels as though his needs are more important than our daughter's? I told him this morning that he was going to have to repeat Dad Duty 101 because he is in danger of failing. I am not a maid, a housekeeper, or a babysitter. I am not the only one in this house that can or should be taking care of our baby. Sometimes moms need a break too! And news flash hubby...a babysitter or grandparent is not the only person who should be able to do that! I am tired! I am tired of holding the baby while I eat just to watch you finish your meal in peace. Sure, go ahead and scratch your belly and watch TV while I try to cut my meat with my spoon because I don't have enough hands to pick up other utensils. I am tired of nursing our child to sleep while you snooze and snore on the bed next to me! You are soooooo lucky that my hands are busy otherwise I may just smother you with a pillow. If I hear "Well if I could breastfeed her i would..." one more time then I might just have to put that lovely breastmilk in your coffee one morning when you aren't paying attention. Let's face it, if you could, you would still make me do it. Parents are 50/50 and not 80/20 just because I happen to have given birth or have other body parts that happen to come in useful as a parent. Give me a break! Haute moms...let's hear it! Tell me I am not alone here!


  1. I am pretty sure i will be coming over to your blog in Feb to read the comments to this one to learn what to

  2. i am always reminded of the group on Facebook called: "It's not "babysitting" if your wife left you at home with your OWN kids!"

    i've seen this a lot, and i just don't get it. did their moms do everything for them as children, so that's how they think it should be now? those were different times, buddy! if you can hold a baby and eat your dinner, so can he.

    my best thought that doesn't involve ripping his head off is to not pose these things as questions. much like in Question #4, it can be met with resistance. a firm "I need you to...." can sometimes soften it.

    but the "favor" thing?? deserves a swift smack upside the head. it's not a FAVOR when you're the FATHER!

  3. Good luck with this one, after raising two children of our own I just lowered my expectations and like in every successful marriage I just did it. Men are not multi-taskers that is why they don't have multiple orgasms. Just wait until you have the second child, he will do less and it won't be double the work it will be 4 times the work.

  4. OMG, how true your posting is!! My husband and I have virtually the same conversations you have!! I thought that it was just us. I'm glad other families go through this as well (even though nobody should go through this, really.) Anyway, thanks for posting this!


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