Missing Milestones and Avoiding a Meltdown (for both mom and child)

Oops, I did it again.

Nope, not the Brittany song but the real life, mommy moments that I have. Just when I feel like a mom rock star, I do it again and feel that dreaded, pit in the stomach, "I am a mom fail" feeling all over again. 

I missed a moment. Not like a temper-tantrum moment or a "watch me mom" moment but a really, crucial, it only happens once kind of moment. 

If it sounds like I have done this more than once, you are right. And it doesn't feel good. The missed first lost tooth, the Christmas recital...and now, the second missed pre-school graduation ceremony. (Yes, I said second.) I know, I know, "it's just pre-school" says every non-mommy out there. But you all get me. And I missed it. 

Now the reasons why these things happen are not important, but what is important here is that there are ways to cope with the missed milestones, ways that will benefit both you and your
child. The bottom line is that, no matter how hard you try, unless you are Wonder Woman (and we all want to be her), you are going to miss moments. At some point in time, it is going to happen.

So, the bigger question is HOW can we cope when these moments are missed? What are some strategies to use when that time actually comes? 

I have three strategies that not only will sooth your soul, but also that of your child's.

Forgive Yourself

Memories in the Making: Celebrate by having a family adventure,
going to your favorite restaurant or making a favorite meal!

We all know that "mom guilt" is a tough one. I am sure most moms, at some point during the day feel a sense of that and it is at its strongest when we miss a special moment. You are an amazing mom. Your children are fed, clothed and loved. That is really what matters.

Talk to Your Child
Whether you know you are going to miss the special moment or realize it in hindsight, talk to your child about their accomplishment. Remind them how much you love them, how proud you are and that there is no other place that you would rather be then there with them. It is not as important to give them the reason why you were absent but rather the fact that you missed not being able to be there.

Celebrate in Your Own Way 
All things can be fixed with a proper celebration. Who needs to traditional award ceremony in the dark auditorium anyway? Decide how to celebrate and make the milestone special. Better yet, ask your child how they would like to celebrate their accomplishment. Make your little one feel special and recognize them in your own, unique, family way. These are the memories that will last.

It is not about the missed milestone but rather the make up moment. You can create the joy and celebration of what your child has accomplished on your own time and in your own way. Chin up mama, I know how important it is to be there for EVERYTHING but unless you are going to follow your kids around FOREVER (please, don't be that mom), there will be missed moments. But you and your magical mom touch can still ensure that the special moment is celebrated and captured forever. 

A Year and a Half Milestone!

I cannot believe that a year-and-a-half has gone by already.  It seems like just yesterday when I started blogging about how much my life had changed.  There are so many things that have are different and strangely, many things that are not.  The important things in your life as a person no longer hold true as a parent.  Each day I wake up with one thing in mind, my daughter. How has time gone by so quickly?

Here are some of the things Stella has taught me in the past year and a half:

• You don't know love until you have a child.
• Each day is a new day of discovering and learning. 
• You can never start getting ready to head out too early.
• Sick days are no longer reserved for when you get sick.
• A clean house is no longer the same as a tidy house.
• There is no end to laundry...or dishes...or taking the trash out.
• It doesn't matter how haute you look; sticky fingers can change that in a heart beat.
• No job can ever prepare you for being a mommy.

Being a mother has opened up my world in so many ways. I only have Stella to thank for all of the ways I have grown in the past year and a half!  Happy 18 months Stella!

Insipration to Us All

A few days ago I wrote a post about the importance of taking time doing things that you love to do. I recently decide to sign up for the Inaugural Tinker Bell Half Marathon at Disneyland in January to motivate getting back into one of my greatest loves, running (no, I am not crazy.) The post was prompted by a number of different things that have come to the surface in my life, including this quote that I read from Steve Jobs:
“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: ‘If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.’ It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

The quote inspired me to do just that, to be sure that everyday, I make the most out of what I have and with the chance of being cliché, to stop and smell the roses. There have been three separate events in the last 24 hours that have reminded me just how important this is. Two of these events are hitting very close to home as a mother, a sister, and a friend. One of my closest friends has just learned that her younger brother has cancer at the age of 29. Knowing her and the special relationship she has with her brother, I can only imagine the grief that they are feeling at this time. I have gone through the last few days heavy hearted, with her family in mind, as I waited the news. Shortly after hearing the diagnosis, I saw a story on MSNBC that caught my attention, again provoking tears, about a mother who was diagnosed with cancer shortly after she found out that she was pregnant with her first child. Given the choice to save herself with chemotherapy or ensure the health of her unborn baby, she chose to risk her own life. The mother was able to hold her newborn daughter shortly after giving birth, but died three days later.

I want to share this story from MSNBC because, as a parent, the choice this woman made is very relatable. We would give anything, including our lives for our children, our family. Keep in mind the quote from Steve Jobs, another person who died before his time and be inspired to live everyday to its fullest. Don’t focus on the negative or the little things that could be better but instead go out and spend the time doing what you once wished you could do, doing what you were thinking about doing “when you retire”, and doing things you enjoy with the ones that you love.

Cancer-stricken mom chooses baby’s life over hers

Haute Mom Dilemma #46 - All On Her Own

Wow time flies when your having fun, or rather changing diapers and slinging baby food. We will be hitting another stage of mommyhood next week when Stella starts home day care!

After much thought, we have decided to place Stella in a home day care program that was recommended by a friend of mine. It is a little scary but I will be working three days a week for most of the summer and there just happened to be an opening for the same three days. I guess you gotta take little signs as hints once in awhile.

There are a few things that scare me about day care like germs, sickness, and well, germs. I guess we will take all the advice we can get and learn as we go just like everything else. The place is fantastic and Stella's eyes light up every time we visit so that's all that matters...as for everything else, only time will tell!

Maybe I should not let her accessorize on her first day.

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Almost Wordless Wednesday

Instead of Welcome Wednesday Blog Hop today, I had to participate.in a Wordless Wednesday because it,went so well with my post yesterday. The blog hop will return next week.

As mommy says, "Stella come back!"

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Haute Mom Dilemma #46 ~ On the Run

Everyone warned me not to wish that Stella would walk. We watched her day after day take her first step, then two, then three and it felt like the slowest movie ever. Next thing we knew, her three cautious steps one day turned into walking right across the room. Stella was officially a walker and I was now officially the chaser.

My mommy friends said it happened over night and they were right. I always thought it was cruel to have kids on a "leash" but I must admit, the other day I caught myself gazing longinly at a mom next to me holding onto a backpack "leash" attached to her kid. It is tough to chase the little one around and now that she has found those legs, she no longer wants mommy to hold her.

It has been so fun to watch her confidence grow with each step. Her falls seem to be harder on me than they are on her. I am sure running is right around the corner. At least I am burning some extra calories along the way!

Walking through the water at Disneyland with the big kids

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Reaching Those Milestones

One of the things that I always notice with parents is that they gauge their child’s success and accomplishments by comparing them to others. I have a book that I bought before Stella was born that lists things she should be doing, may be doing, and could possibly be able to do (I guess those mean your child ROCKS if s/he can do them). When I hear other parents talking about “how advanced” their children are, I always have to be careful not to roll my eyes because we all know that children progress at different rates. At the same time, I find myself reading my book every month to see if Stella is doing, may be doing, and is possibly ROCKING at some of her “milestones”. So, just like many, I am guilty of using these milestones and others babies’ accomplishments to try to gauge if Stella is right where she should be.

I have to share something that Stella has started doing that is not part of any of the “milestones” that I have seen. I am in no way saying she is advanced but I was so surprised to see her doing this particular thing. Not just surprised, but completely and totally in love with my baby girl and her sweetness. Stella has this stuffed tiger that her uncle and grandfather brought from a trip to Thailand. When she first got it, it was almost as big as her but the tiger has always brought a smile to her face. Lately, she has actually been showing the tiger love and affection by hugging it, kissing it, and, get this, patting it on its back much like I do when I am trying to soothe Stella. My heart just fills with warmth that somewhere along the way, she has learned to show love and affection. I am sorry, but that beats all the milestones put together. And then she tosses the tiger to the side like garbage…ah, that’s my girl.

She also shows affection with this Steeler's coaster. She doesn't get that from me.

Haute Mom Dilemma #14 ~ Does it ever get easier?

I was sitting in my living room today in silence, Stella asleep on my chest, soaking in the sound of nothingness when I heard, "Hey Mama Tenny" at my back door. My guard dog, Sierra, went into attack mode, barking and growling loudly as Stella woke up crying. I got up grumbling, wondering what idiot would shout into my house knowing that I had a baby and saw my friend and his 15 month old son. Well, it was actually my ex-husband which would explain the idiot part; we can discuss the 'ex" part at another time. Luckily my ex-hub and I are really good friends and I come to find out that he was just checking on me and my new role as mom. I actually think he was coming over to see how I was handling the whole thing so he could have a good chuckle on the way home. Thank goodness I showered and put some make-up on today, eh ladies? I walk outside and as we chat, I introduce Stella to his son, Kai. As he asks me 20 questions about motherhood and how hard it's been, Kai shows off his new walking skills in my driveway. I ask how things are now that his son is walking, wondering if it is easier now that his baby is mobile. His reply is simply, "No" and he goes on to philosophize that he doesn't forsee things getting any easier until Kai can make his own breakfast.

This gets me thinking...does it ever get easier? I have fully accepted my new role and am beginning to love it more and more and cry less and less. I often think that as Stella accomplishes each new milestone, my role will get a little easier. For example, I couldn't wait until she was able to hold her head up, thinking that this would free up one hand to do things with while I held her. Then I was thinking that it would be easier when she could roll over so she could stop screaming during play/tummytime and just roll herself over instead of needing me to do it. Now I am thinking that it will get easier when she can sit all by herself...I guess the moral of this story is that it never gets easier! I haven't even thought further ahead than one year old but thinking about 16 years old, 18 years old...we are getting into a whole other world of easier or rather...not so much! Can any of you out there tell me when it gets easier?



Stella reaching milestone...rolling over. Well, I guess she just rolled over in this one. :)