A Note to Self

This morning I watched my kiddos sleep soundly as I scurried around to get ready for work. Feeling the effects of summer on the horizon and what two kiddos at home has in store prompted me to coin this little note to myself. Because as many of you know, the joy that some feel when summer comes, is not always shared by us moms.

Dear Self,

I have a few things that I need to say to you. Things that cross my mind often, but like so many words and thoughts, do not get spoken out loud enough.

I am sorry. Just like the my children, you have needs. Lots of them. And while I answer my children's needs and ensure that they have all that is required to be happy and healthy, I do not do the same for you. I sometimes ignore what you are telling me, asking you to go without rest, food and heck, sometimes even water. I expect you to stop complaining and deal with it even though the needs that you have are so easy to fulfill. I would never ask that of a loved one and, unlike my little ones, at some point you just stop complaining.

Thank you. While I push you around, ignore your protests and place expectations on you that I would never place on a loved one, you continue to come through for me. You find energy, strength and  courage in all that I ask you to do. You are tireless and relentless in all that you do.

You deserve more. There are so many times where I think about pampering you. Getting a massage to ease your tired muscles, a pedicure to console your feet (that carry me for miles - literally) and whisking you away on a vacation where you can rest in peace and quiet. But I don't do these things as much as I think about them and you remain ignored yet faithful.

I know that you feel that summer is coming. And while so many relish in what that means, I know for you, it means less peace, less quiet. more activity, more chores and more energy. I can feel you quietly asking me to allow you to take a load off before the little ones are home everyday, playing tirelessly and relentlessly.

I will whisper more promises in your ear - promises of quiet time and pampering although it may only be for a few minutes a day. But unlike many, you will appreciate those few minutes and restore yourself quickly so that I can be a tireless, ambitious, energetic, marathoning mom. And know that, if I forget to tell you daily, I love and appreciate you and what you allow me to do.

I am nothing without you.

Love,
Yourself

Thanksgiving Thanks

It's no secret that my family has been going through tough times. But we are not different than any family. Everyone experiences ups and downs.

Something that I am finding out is that these tough times are changing my ways, my thinking, my attitudes. Changing them forever.

I have become so much more thankful than I used to be. Things that I used to take for granted have become daily blessings. It is surprising actually that I had so much and never noticed. Now that so much is gone, I'm more grateful for the little things.

So to say my thanks and spread the spirit of Thanksgiving, I would like to share my new found blessings I give thanks for.

1. I am thankful that my alarm goes off at 5 a.m. in the morning so that I can head out for a dawn run. I see the sunrise and smell early morning a few times a week, and that's something many people miss.

2. I am thankful that I can only run three or four miles during the week because I have to rush back to get ready for work. My job used to be something that tied me down, but now it is everything that allows me to provide for my family.

3. I am thankful for my community. There are people who I barely know who have come forward, in amazing ways, to offer help, assistance and support. It humbles me, and it makes me want to be a better person.

4. I am thankful for the little voices and pitter-patter of feet that wake me up on the few days I have the luxury of sleeping in. They are my children, my reason behind any action, my heart.

5. I am thankful for my health. I can run, jump, play and swim with my family.

6. I am thankful for the roof over my head. With its old electrical system and its leaky roof, it keeps us warm at night and provides shelter, which unfortunately, some people do not have.

7. I am thankful for my family. While family can be such a source of headache and drama, my family has circled around us, supported us during our worse times.

8. I am thankful for my hubby. We don’t always get along, and we don’t always agree, but I am most thankful that in our toughest times we have one another to lean on. I have a person who will always be on my team through thick and thin.

Regardless of situation or circumstance, it is the start of the season of giving thanks and spreading joy. Joy, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, and I am so grateful that my vision is clear.

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!

Reaching Those Milestones

One of the things that I always notice with parents is that they gauge their child’s success and accomplishments by comparing them to others. I have a book that I bought before Stella was born that lists things she should be doing, may be doing, and could possibly be able to do (I guess those mean your child ROCKS if s/he can do them). When I hear other parents talking about “how advanced” their children are, I always have to be careful not to roll my eyes because we all know that children progress at different rates. At the same time, I find myself reading my book every month to see if Stella is doing, may be doing, and is possibly ROCKING at some of her “milestones”. So, just like many, I am guilty of using these milestones and others babies’ accomplishments to try to gauge if Stella is right where she should be.

I have to share something that Stella has started doing that is not part of any of the “milestones” that I have seen. I am in no way saying she is advanced but I was so surprised to see her doing this particular thing. Not just surprised, but completely and totally in love with my baby girl and her sweetness. Stella has this stuffed tiger that her uncle and grandfather brought from a trip to Thailand. When she first got it, it was almost as big as her but the tiger has always brought a smile to her face. Lately, she has actually been showing the tiger love and affection by hugging it, kissing it, and, get this, patting it on its back much like I do when I am trying to soothe Stella. My heart just fills with warmth that somewhere along the way, she has learned to show love and affection. I am sorry, but that beats all the milestones put together. And then she tosses the tiger to the side like garbage…ah, that’s my girl.

She also shows affection with this Steeler's coaster. She doesn't get that from me.