Missing Milestones and Avoiding a Meltdown (for both mom and child)

Oops, I did it again.

Nope, not the Brittany song but the real life, mommy moments that I have. Just when I feel like a mom rock star, I do it again and feel that dreaded, pit in the stomach, "I am a mom fail" feeling all over again. 

I missed a moment. Not like a temper-tantrum moment or a "watch me mom" moment but a really, crucial, it only happens once kind of moment. 

If it sounds like I have done this more than once, you are right. And it doesn't feel good. The missed first lost tooth, the Christmas recital...and now, the second missed pre-school graduation ceremony. (Yes, I said second.) I know, I know, "it's just pre-school" says every non-mommy out there. But you all get me. And I missed it. 

Now the reasons why these things happen are not important, but what is important here is that there are ways to cope with the missed milestones, ways that will benefit both you and your
child. The bottom line is that, no matter how hard you try, unless you are Wonder Woman (and we all want to be her), you are going to miss moments. At some point in time, it is going to happen.

So, the bigger question is HOW can we cope when these moments are missed? What are some strategies to use when that time actually comes? 

I have three strategies that not only will sooth your soul, but also that of your child's.

Forgive Yourself

Memories in the Making: Celebrate by having a family adventure,
going to your favorite restaurant or making a favorite meal!

We all know that "mom guilt" is a tough one. I am sure most moms, at some point during the day feel a sense of that and it is at its strongest when we miss a special moment. You are an amazing mom. Your children are fed, clothed and loved. That is really what matters.

Talk to Your Child
Whether you know you are going to miss the special moment or realize it in hindsight, talk to your child about their accomplishment. Remind them how much you love them, how proud you are and that there is no other place that you would rather be then there with them. It is not as important to give them the reason why you were absent but rather the fact that you missed not being able to be there.

Celebrate in Your Own Way 
All things can be fixed with a proper celebration. Who needs to traditional award ceremony in the dark auditorium anyway? Decide how to celebrate and make the milestone special. Better yet, ask your child how they would like to celebrate their accomplishment. Make your little one feel special and recognize them in your own, unique, family way. These are the memories that will last.

It is not about the missed milestone but rather the make up moment. You can create the joy and celebration of what your child has accomplished on your own time and in your own way. Chin up mama, I know how important it is to be there for EVERYTHING but unless you are going to follow your kids around FOREVER (please, don't be that mom), there will be missed moments. But you and your magical mom touch can still ensure that the special moment is celebrated and captured forever. 

Huate Mom Goes Marathoner

Sometimes, with a family to manage, things seem impossible. There is no time, no help and too much to do. This past weekend I learned that nothing is impossible.

Last April I set a goal that seemed to be unreachable. At the Hollywood Half Marathon Expo, I walked past the Long Beach IBC Marathon booth and signed up for the full marathon. Although I was a seasoned half marathon runner, I had never given serious thought to running the full 26.2 miles. Who knows what was in the air that day, the smell of new running shoes maybe, but I did it. I signed up.
From that day the training began. Little by little, I plugged away building towards my marathon. I planned, I ran, I sacrificed. And so did my family.

While running is obviously a big part of my lifestyle, taking on the task of completing 15-, 20- and 23-mile training runs is a whole other ball game. Goodbye quick morning jogs; hello long three to four hour runs.

I often stopped along the way to reconsider. Training for the marathon was cutting into my already busy schedule and taking away from my family.

But, for anyone who knows me,  I don’t back down. I do what I commit to, and I had already committed to my first full marathon. In my mind, I had to do this for myself and there was no going back.

On Sunday, October 13, I awoke at 3:30 am. The cool fall weather I had been hoping for promised to hold out long enough to get through my big day. I said goodbye to my children the night before and, leaving them behind with my mom, the hubby and I drove downtown in the dark.

Standing in the corral at the marathon start, I knew I had done the right thing. All of the time, the training and the sacrifice had been worth it. I was about to check an item off my bucket list.
There were a number of times on course where my children came to mind. My heart and my soul stayed focused on the things that give me strength.

As a mom, there are so many opportunities that we shrug off because of our families, busy schedules and time constraints. Yet I learned that sometimes, seizing an opportunity can be a positive experience for the whole family. It gives us pride as well as reminders of strength and ability. I am so fulfilled by my marathon completion.

I watch Stella walk around with my medal around her neck and know that all the hard work has given my children a positive lesson in never giving up. It will remind them to go for the goals that they may think are impossible. And, this experience reminds me of how wonderful it is to be a haute mom.

Accomplishments for the Right Reasons

One of the things that we know as parents is that we have a crucial job of a role model. The biggest question isn't "How can I be a good one?" but should be "What do I want to model to my children?"

I decided a few months ago to raise money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society by running with their Team in Training at the Inaugural Tinker Bell Half Marathon at Disneyland. As I have said before, I used to be a runner and had slowly been trying to get my way back to where I used to be after having Stella. I thought this was a fitting goal and a great way to raise money for a wonderful cause in honor of a friend who had recently been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

I started training at the beginning of October and immediately had reservations. I'm always complaining about how little time I have as it is, and I began to question by sanity by taking on another task; one that would require a lot of time training. After talking it over with hubby, we decided that it was something that I should do. Nearly every Saturday morning for four months, I rose at 6 a.m. to meet my group for our runs. During the week, I got out of bed in the dark or ran late into the night in order to squeeze in my mid-weeks.

Days before Christmas, we found out that we were expecting baby number two. Hubby and I were overjoyed, and I again questioned whether or not running a half marathon is something I should be doing. Since quitting is not in my nature, with our doctor's blessing, I continued to train through first trimester exhaustion and morning sickness.

The half marathon was last Sunday, Jan. 29 th . I was really nervous in the days leading up to the event, but found myself excited while waiting in the corral Sunday morning at 5:30 a.m.

After a great run, passing the 13 mile marker, I had renewed energy knowing that Stella, hubby, and my brother were waiting at the finish line. Heading towards the finish, I caught a glimpse of my hubby holding Stella high above the crowd, trying to point me out. I stepped over to the side and called her name, waving, emotions rushing over me as I saw her, and knowing that after many months, I had completed the 13.1 miles (three months pregnant, no less.)

After making my way through the chute, Stella jumps into my arms. I have never seen her so excited as she says, "Mommy running." I asked her what she thought of seeing mommy run and Stella responds, "I clapping." and gives me a giant hug.

I knew at that moment that the training, the fundraising, and the completion of my half marathon were well worth it. As a mother, these are the things I want to model to my children, working hard, making sacrifices, perseverance, and mostly importantly, successfully accomplishing the goals that you set for yourself.

A memorable morning view

Stella admiring my medal

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Almost Wordless Wednesday

The best reason to accomplish your goals...your loved ones waiting at the finish line.

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