Missing Milestones and Avoiding a Meltdown (for both mom and child)

Oops, I did it again.

Nope, not the Brittany song but the real life, mommy moments that I have. Just when I feel like a mom rock star, I do it again and feel that dreaded, pit in the stomach, "I am a mom fail" feeling all over again. 

I missed a moment. Not like a temper-tantrum moment or a "watch me mom" moment but a really, crucial, it only happens once kind of moment. 

If it sounds like I have done this more than once, you are right. And it doesn't feel good. The missed first lost tooth, the Christmas recital...and now, the second missed pre-school graduation ceremony. (Yes, I said second.) I know, I know, "it's just pre-school" says every non-mommy out there. But you all get me. And I missed it. 

Now the reasons why these things happen are not important, but what is important here is that there are ways to cope with the missed milestones, ways that will benefit both you and your
child. The bottom line is that, no matter how hard you try, unless you are Wonder Woman (and we all want to be her), you are going to miss moments. At some point in time, it is going to happen.

So, the bigger question is HOW can we cope when these moments are missed? What are some strategies to use when that time actually comes? 

I have three strategies that not only will sooth your soul, but also that of your child's.

Forgive Yourself

Memories in the Making: Celebrate by having a family adventure,
going to your favorite restaurant or making a favorite meal!

We all know that "mom guilt" is a tough one. I am sure most moms, at some point during the day feel a sense of that and it is at its strongest when we miss a special moment. You are an amazing mom. Your children are fed, clothed and loved. That is really what matters.

Talk to Your Child
Whether you know you are going to miss the special moment or realize it in hindsight, talk to your child about their accomplishment. Remind them how much you love them, how proud you are and that there is no other place that you would rather be then there with them. It is not as important to give them the reason why you were absent but rather the fact that you missed not being able to be there.

Celebrate in Your Own Way 
All things can be fixed with a proper celebration. Who needs to traditional award ceremony in the dark auditorium anyway? Decide how to celebrate and make the milestone special. Better yet, ask your child how they would like to celebrate their accomplishment. Make your little one feel special and recognize them in your own, unique, family way. These are the memories that will last.

It is not about the missed milestone but rather the make up moment. You can create the joy and celebration of what your child has accomplished on your own time and in your own way. Chin up mama, I know how important it is to be there for EVERYTHING but unless you are going to follow your kids around FOREVER (please, don't be that mom), there will be missed moments. But you and your magical mom touch can still ensure that the special moment is celebrated and captured forever. 

Spending Time: Quality or Quantity?

We spend plenty of time with our kids, I mean, practically all our time, right? But have you ever stopped to think about what KIND of time you are spending?

Think about it, is your time simply time spent (quantity) or is it truly focused and uninterrupted (quality) time?

Remember the "good old days" when dinner time was simply that, the whole family sitting down catching up on one another's day. Or bed time included stories, possibly bible readings and prayers?

Quality time is crucial for connecting with your family. It is when bonds form, values and ethics are taught and honest communication is encouraged. Further, what messages are we teaching our kids about relationships and bonding when we allow time to together be constantly interrupted by television, iPads and phones? That our time with them is important...until our notifications sound?

I know this is hard! We are moms and we will multi-task! It is in our nature to try to do a bunch of things all at once, but when it comes to our loves ones, we need to make time for quality.

Here are three tips:

1. Include Your Children
Sometimes it is inevitable to have to get things done when your kids are carving attention. Try including them in the tasks that you have to do when possible. Take them with you to the grocery store and allow them to pick up a fruit or vegetable to purchase. If you can't avoid working from home, perhaps there is something they can help you with - stacking papers up neatly, sorting, etc.

2. Turn Off Technology

Hiking is one of our family faves for spending quality time.

Ok, I know, I am ADDICTED to my phone. Like sheer panic, the world is caving in when I can't find it addicted. But when I stop and think about how much I allow checking my phone to sidetrack me when I am with my kiddos, it saddens me. So...it's time to turn it off. Whether this mean ringers on silent, putting the phone in another room, enabling "Do Not Disturb", shut it down, at least for chunks of time and show your kids that they have you full, undivided attention. Better, yet, go someplace that is just not phone friendly. Our family's new favorite is going hiking - can  you say limited cell phone reception?

3. Divide and Conquer
Sometimes your kiddos need time with you one on one. When this happens divide and conquer. If you have more than one child, this is the perfect opportunity to split the kids up among parents or family members and give each of them some one on one time. Remember those special moments you spent alone with one of your parents or family members? Your kiddos will too. :)

Do you have special things that you do for quality time? Please share them with us!

Don't forget to join our rock star community of moms over at Haute Mom!

USA Inspired Party Pleasers

As many people prepare for company this weekend, it is time to share my favorite USA inspired snacks that I have come across. Inspirations that will take us all the way through Labor Day.

We can all do the red, white and blue fruit kabobs, and while always a favorite, this haute mom goes for savvy, smart and creative. Of course, it doesn't hurt that they are about as simple as boiling water.

A Sweet and Patriotic Treat

This idea is pure genius and sure to be enjoyed by everyone. Blog Room to Inspire hit the jackpot with some Red Vines and a bit of patriotic scrapbook paper.

• Cut the paper in strips
• Wrap the strips around a bundle of Red Vines
• Secure with double stick place. 

Easy even for a kitchen rookie like me!




Red and Blue With Flavor

This is at the top of my list because it involves, you guessed it, no cooking what so ever!

Note: This can also be mixed up with regular chips (hello blue potato and regular chips) as well as probably a hundred other yummy possibilities.

• Purchase patriotic paper cones or make some with scrapbook paper. 
• Toss in red and blue tortilla chips, colored potato chips or any other colorful combo of snack items!

The other thing that makes this straight from the smarty pants brain is that it cuts down on cooties. Nobody likes all those hands in the community chip bowl.

Patriotic Sugar Wafers

You had me at wafer. Everyone loves a little something sweet and is it just me or are cakes and cupcakes a little over done? Besides, none of us moms want our kids chowing down on that..I mean, hellooooo...can you say HYPER? I think these are the perfect size, simple to make (way more than baking) and who doesn't love a wafer?

You will need:

1. 1 package each of colored chocolate candy melts (found in the cake decorating aisle)

2. 1 package vanilla sugar wafers

3. Assorted sprinkles

• Melt half the colored candy melts according to instructions
• Lay out a sheet of parchment paper and dip each wafer into the chocolate
• Place the dipped wafers onto the paper and cover with sprinkles
• Allow to dry

Place in an airtight container so they don't go stale!

What a fun dessert thanks to Southern Made Simple! Perfect for kids to help with!

Here is to a great weekend of family, friends and love as many gather together in honor and thanks to those that have served and are serving our country.

Our Father's Day

The tie is so yesterday.

Part of being a haute mom is learning how to work your household. It is hard to be a mom and be haute so we deserve all that we can get!  What did you do for Mother's Day?  I am willing to bet 99% of you cleaned or laundered something in your house.  Well, thanks to guest writer Michelle Pino, moms may be able to enjoy a little Father's Day as well!

Father's Day doesn't simply have to be just about pleasing the man in your life and father of your children. Wives are also able to enjoy this holiday by purchasing gifts that can be used by the two of you. Here are a few ideas of gifts for dad that mom can get some use out of also.

                            A Romantic Dinner

Have you been longing to try that new restaurant that opened up in town? Father's Day is the perfect occasion to make a reservation at that luxurious restaurant for the both of you to enjoy. Start your meal off with a fine glass of wine and appetizer. After your entrees, don't forget to finish off the meal with a delicious dessert. Because Father's Day is a popular holiday to dine out, make sure to book reservations in advance for guaranteed seating and to enjoy a romantic dinner together on this very special day.

Outdoor Grill

Have you been preparing and cooking all of the meals lately and simply need a little break? Invest in an outdoor grill, which makes the perfect gift for any husband on Father's Day. The grill will motivate him to get outside and to try out new recipes that the two of you can enjoy trying together. Provide him with ideas of what to cook and give yourself a little relaxation time while dinner is made for you.

Resort Day

One of the best options for both husbands and wives on Father's Day is a day pass to a local area resort. While your husband is winning the big bucks on the poker tables, or shooting a round of golf, you can be relaxing with a day of beauty and wellness at the spa. Or you may even choose to sit around by the pool with a cocktail in your hand, working on your tan. Many top notch resorts today are very focused on catering towards couples and both of their interests so that it is easy to plan a day filled with fun activities that both of you will love.

Wine Clubs

If you enjoy drinking wine on a regular basis, joining a Wine of the Month Club could be an excellent Father's Day gift for your special day. No one likes to drink alone, making this the perfect gift option that can be shared together. Each month you will be sent a new, delicious wine to sample that gives you the chance to bond while enjoying this adult beverage.

Father-Child Bonding Time

Sometimes it's nice to have some alone time that you can spend at home or with friends. Get your husband and kids out of the house for a day so that you can relax. One great idea is to buy them a gift card for the local batting cages or go kart tracks. This will be one gift that your children are excited to give their father, as it allows them to spend some fun-filled time together.

Say goodbye to that boring old Father's Day that you've celebrated year after year and turn it into a new celebration that everyone can enjoy. These gifts are sure to make the day an unforgettable one.

Michelle learned many of this while working at Skana, one of  New York's finest spas.  When Michelle isn’t working you will find her baking, crafting, reading a magazine or catching up on her favorite TV shows. If you have any comments or questions feel free to contact Michelle via email at michellepino@turningstone.com.

Back to Work...Again

The time has come again. My second extended child care leave is coming to an end and I am about to transition from the world of Stay At Home Moms into that of the Working Mom. Times two.

I am so gratfeul to have been able to spend seven months at home with our little guy. The same amount of time that I had with Stella. I could not enjoy my time with my little ones any more than I have been and I am so fortunate to have a job where I am able to do this.

Of course, I am mixed with excitement and anxiety as I spend one last week at home. Going back to work means having a full time job as well as a part time job, but now with two little babes instead of one. I worry about the house, cooking dinner, and being able to have enough energy to be a good mom and wife.

This time, instead of having to find a nanny, the hubby will be staying at home with little Carter as he has been out of work since January. I am comforted knowing that the kids will have one parent around even though I know that eventhough one parent is home, the laundry and the cleaning is no more likely to be done (you all know what I mean.)

We took Stella out of day care last week to take advantage of a rare, end of winter, amazingly warm day. It was declared family time at the beach and aside from being Carter's first time there, we had a blast.

This maked me so thankful for my family and the time that we do have together. Remind me that next week when my alarm goes off at 5:30 a.m.

Nourishing the Roots

I write a lot about taking care of my children. I have recently realized that I overlook something that I think most parents overlook: Taking care of the parents.

It is a known fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce. In fact, I would bet that that number is higher now. Between putting food on the table and focusing on the kids, I think many couples forget that they have relationships to nurture.

It’s so hard to make time for anything else but work and your kids.

Date night to a Dave Matthews Band concert

When I do find time, my dear hubby often encourages me to go out and do something on my own. He pushes me to get a pedicure, or take a girls’ night out, or something to that effect. Although this is important too, I have learned that it is more important to spend time alone with him.

Getting someone to care for both our kids (especially since our new addition, Carter, is only five weeks old) is outside of my comfort zone. I relax more when the kids are with my hubby. However, stepping outside this comfort zone is important if I want to make sure we get our couple time together. And so it is done.

While many of my married girlfriends are doing everything they can to get a night out with the girls, I plan on nights out with my man as my date. We go dancing, hit some concerts, or have quick, quiet adult dinners. I have noticed that our other friends, who do similar, seem to have more solid, satisfying marriages.

I will admit that not too long ago, I was one of those women who wanted out of the house without the hubby. Although there is certainly nothing wrong with this, I found that our relationship was getting the short end of the stick.

Like with any team, bonding is important. It is hard to do with kids in the mix. And it certainly doesn’t happen after a long night of dinner, baths, and bedtime with two youngsters. Make it a priority to spend alone time with your significant other, even if it is just an hour or two.

Your entire family will benefit.

If You Can't Leave Em, Bring Em

With the winter looming ahead, the hubby keeps pushing me to commit to a few ski trips. Ah, I remember the days when we would take off on a whim to fly to the best snow for the weekend. My ski bag was always packed and awaiting its new destination. Now all I can see is a packed car of strollers, toys, and baby gear. I used to get 20 plus days on the slopes and last year I got four. FOUR! I had to ride in a packed car and take a nanny in order to get that.

Lately I have felt like this is the story of my life. Finding the time to do little things like run, get my hair done, or anything remotely FUN on my own has been so difficult. I know that part of that is due to my inability to just chill and not take on a million different things but it always worked out before, why not now? Oh yea, motherhood. I know a babysitter or leaving Stella behind with hubby is always an option but I have this inner struggle about being away from her when I am already away from her all week and two nights a week between both my jobs.

So, I have come to the decision to find more hobbies where Stella can join me. I have already worked her in to most of my runs and although running with a baby jogger is DREADFUL, at least I can convince myself that I am getting more of a workout. And she loves rocking out to my Dave Matthews tunes. After dusting off our kayaks a couple of weeks ago, we took her with us (she rode in my kayak with me) and had a blast. We also had a gondola ride (with champagne and appetizers) booked and decided to bring her along at the last minute since she loves the water. (Who needs romance these days?) I am going to put a trailer on my road bike and start getting out there on some long rides. The hubby and I recently tried Stand Up Paddle boarding (sans the kiddo) and I have decided that I am going to just try and stick her on the front (not to worry fellow moms, she will have a life jacket on.) That is tomorrow's activity. I know I do need the ME time but until I can juggle my schedule into a more effective one, I am going to try every attempt to find things to do for FUN where Stella can tag along without it being a total kid centered activity. Who's with me, haute moms? Let's get those ideas coming!

Happy Friday!

Family Gondola Ride

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