I happened to glance at the date today and realized that we are already into November. My heart sank. I am scheduled to go back to work on December 7th, almost one month from today.
I have worked two jobs for the last five years. I teach 7th grade (this is my 11th year) and I teach at a state university in the evenings. I have always been lucky enough to take a leave of absence or some time off with my jobs without having to worry about losing them. I took advantage of this when I had Stella. I have been off since April 2010, almost seven months. I had always been told by many who know me that I was going to be one of those moms that can't wait to get back to work after having my child. I am not. Not even close. I enjoy being home with my daughter and teaching part-time in the evenings has been perfect for my husband and I, except financially. After much discussion, we have decided that in order to achieve our goals for the future (paying off our debt, being financially secure, buying a bigger house, having more children) I need to return to work in December.
I will be leaving Stella in the good hands of our nanny three days a week, and my husband will stay home twice a week and then head to work when I get home from my day. This pulls at my heart strings, but I have to remind myself that many moms have to go out and face the work force with their little ones in the care of others. Many of those moms returned to work far sooner than I have had to.
One of the reasons why I waited to have children was that I was unsure how being a teacher would affect being a parent. As a teacher, you spend hours giving attention to your students, practicing your patience, and often times, doing some parenting. I want to have energy and patience when I get home, and I am still concerned with finding the balance between the two. For this reason, I have decided to interview for a position in my district that would take me out of the classroom and put me into an office-type environment. I would still be involved in education but not directly with students. I will be looking at slightly longer hours, but I also will have a little more flexibility should I need to be there for Stella. I have many mixed emotions, but at this point, I think this is the best move for me and my family. I interview on Monday.
Either way, I will be returning to work on December 7th. It may very well, involve some tears. I will be leaving the group of SAHMs and joining moms in the work force. I do find it important to have my own career - this is one of my haute qualities. I don't want to have to start over in three years when Stella goes to school. I hope that I am not doing it at the expense of my child, but I know there are worse things than being a working mom. For all of you who have been working, whether it be from home or out in the world, I have the utmost respect for you. It is tough. For all of you stay at home moms, realize how lucky you are to be in a situation where you can be with your children. Whichever one you are, stay haute and wish me luck!