Haute Mom Dilemma #17 ~ In the Heat of the Fight

For any of you other haute moms out there who read the gossip mags, divorce seems to be a common headline lately. Some of our long standing couples have been calling it splitsville, which is always a reminder that it takes more than money and nannies to make a marriage work. We all know that marriage is tough and that arguments happen.

The hubby and I got into one of our more heated arguments the other day. This was one of our first since Stella was born. In the past, I must admit that we would sometimes fight so loudly that our dog would shake. The dog is slightly more neurotic than she should be but that is no excuse. This was one of those fights. My hubby and I are both strong-willed and stubborn which is the perfect recipe for those loud, blown out fights.

We started arguing about a very common topic, money. Money then turned into everything under the sun including who does the dishes more (I do, of course). The thing that is the most troublesome is that Stella was awake and in my hubby's arms during the fight. I had to ask him to stop shouting while he was holding her. He stopped, but not right away. It broke my heart to watch Stella furrow her little brow and look back and forth at us wondering what was happening. She didn't cry but her eyes started to tear up. My dog was shaking.

I had to take Stella and remove myself from the room to stop the fight. For us, time alone helps us cool down until we can talk about things. I felt extremely guilty and sad that this had just happened. Not because of our fight but because we had just subjected Stella to this kind of environment.

So here is the dilemma. We are both stubborn people and get heated very easily. We are going to argue. How can I avoid this from happening? I remember my parents fighting and I can't say that it scarred me, but we all know that this isn't a healthy situation for children to be in. I am going to assume that since my dog can sense tension and anger, my little baby can. She was exteremely clingy and fussy the rest of the day.

What are some tactics that we can use when we are in the heat of the moment to prevent this from happening? Will having a rule of not fighting in front of the baby be enough? Does this happen to every couple, or are we shaping up to be bad parents? I know the dynamics of my husband and I. We have such a hard time stepping away from a fight when we are heated. I hope that our love and dedication to our baby will see that any argument can wait until there is a more appropriate way for us to discuss things.