Missing Milestones and Avoiding a Meltdown (for both mom and child)

Oops, I did it again.

Nope, not the Brittany song but the real life, mommy moments that I have. Just when I feel like a mom rock star, I do it again and feel that dreaded, pit in the stomach, "I am a mom fail" feeling all over again. 

I missed a moment. Not like a temper-tantrum moment or a "watch me mom" moment but a really, crucial, it only happens once kind of moment. 

If it sounds like I have done this more than once, you are right. And it doesn't feel good. The missed first lost tooth, the Christmas recital...and now, the second missed pre-school graduation ceremony. (Yes, I said second.) I know, I know, "it's just pre-school" says every non-mommy out there. But you all get me. And I missed it. 

Now the reasons why these things happen are not important, but what is important here is that there are ways to cope with the missed milestones, ways that will benefit both you and your
child. The bottom line is that, no matter how hard you try, unless you are Wonder Woman (and we all want to be her), you are going to miss moments. At some point in time, it is going to happen.

So, the bigger question is HOW can we cope when these moments are missed? What are some strategies to use when that time actually comes? 

I have three strategies that not only will sooth your soul, but also that of your child's.

Forgive Yourself

Memories in the Making: Celebrate by having a family adventure,
going to your favorite restaurant or making a favorite meal!

We all know that "mom guilt" is a tough one. I am sure most moms, at some point during the day feel a sense of that and it is at its strongest when we miss a special moment. You are an amazing mom. Your children are fed, clothed and loved. That is really what matters.

Talk to Your Child
Whether you know you are going to miss the special moment or realize it in hindsight, talk to your child about their accomplishment. Remind them how much you love them, how proud you are and that there is no other place that you would rather be then there with them. It is not as important to give them the reason why you were absent but rather the fact that you missed not being able to be there.

Celebrate in Your Own Way 
All things can be fixed with a proper celebration. Who needs to traditional award ceremony in the dark auditorium anyway? Decide how to celebrate and make the milestone special. Better yet, ask your child how they would like to celebrate their accomplishment. Make your little one feel special and recognize them in your own, unique, family way. These are the memories that will last.

It is not about the missed milestone but rather the make up moment. You can create the joy and celebration of what your child has accomplished on your own time and in your own way. Chin up mama, I know how important it is to be there for EVERYTHING but unless you are going to follow your kids around FOREVER (please, don't be that mom), there will be missed moments. But you and your magical mom touch can still ensure that the special moment is celebrated and captured forever. 

Spending Time: Quality or Quantity?

We spend plenty of time with our kids, I mean, practically all our time, right? But have you ever stopped to think about what KIND of time you are spending?

Think about it, is your time simply time spent (quantity) or is it truly focused and uninterrupted (quality) time?

Remember the "good old days" when dinner time was simply that, the whole family sitting down catching up on one another's day. Or bed time included stories, possibly bible readings and prayers?

Quality time is crucial for connecting with your family. It is when bonds form, values and ethics are taught and honest communication is encouraged. Further, what messages are we teaching our kids about relationships and bonding when we allow time to together be constantly interrupted by television, iPads and phones? That our time with them is important...until our notifications sound?

I know this is hard! We are moms and we will multi-task! It is in our nature to try to do a bunch of things all at once, but when it comes to our loves ones, we need to make time for quality.

Here are three tips:

1. Include Your Children
Sometimes it is inevitable to have to get things done when your kids are carving attention. Try including them in the tasks that you have to do when possible. Take them with you to the grocery store and allow them to pick up a fruit or vegetable to purchase. If you can't avoid working from home, perhaps there is something they can help you with - stacking papers up neatly, sorting, etc.

2. Turn Off Technology

Hiking is one of our family faves for spending quality time.

Ok, I know, I am ADDICTED to my phone. Like sheer panic, the world is caving in when I can't find it addicted. But when I stop and think about how much I allow checking my phone to sidetrack me when I am with my kiddos, it saddens me. So...it's time to turn it off. Whether this mean ringers on silent, putting the phone in another room, enabling "Do Not Disturb", shut it down, at least for chunks of time and show your kids that they have you full, undivided attention. Better, yet, go someplace that is just not phone friendly. Our family's new favorite is going hiking - can  you say limited cell phone reception?

3. Divide and Conquer
Sometimes your kiddos need time with you one on one. When this happens divide and conquer. If you have more than one child, this is the perfect opportunity to split the kids up among parents or family members and give each of them some one on one time. Remember those special moments you spent alone with one of your parents or family members? Your kiddos will too. :)

Do you have special things that you do for quality time? Please share them with us!

Don't forget to join our rock star community of moms over at Haute Mom!

When Life Gives You Lemons

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; is that how the saying goes? I realize that this is a tough lesson for us all, especially when trying to teach it to your children.

This past Monday, I was glued to the internet as I watched the Boston Marathon. As a runner, it is the mecca of marathon events and as someone who was watching the event live last year when the bombings occurred, I couldn’t miss it.

I had several friends who had flown to Boston to participate after hard training to qualify. I had even more friends watching from home after missing their own qualifying time by seconds. One of my close friends decided to fly to Boston to support runners after he missed his own qualifying time by a few seconds.

Ken Nwadike, CEO of Superhero Events (they put on the Hollywood Half Marathon, Costume Party Run, and the Awesome 80s Run series) decides to make the trek to Boston after dealing with disappointment this year when his attempt to qualify for Boston failed by a mere few seconds.

Why? To go and support the thousands of runners (almost 36,000 to be exact) that had qualified and to show that the journey is not always about your own achievement.

Wearing a “Free Hugs” shirt and carrying a matching sign, this race director stood on the course and offered hugs to the participants running by. The reaction was astounding. As I watched his video of the experience, I couldn’t help but finally understand the truth behind life’s plan not always being in our hands.

You can see in this video the reaction that Ken received from his kindness of choosing to fly across the country to show his love and support for the Boston Marathoners. People not only run clear across the course but double back just to get one of his hugs.

Free Hugs

I showed Stella the video at which she asked, “What is that man doing?” I explained that his hope was to be a runner but since he could not, he decided to be a part of the other runners’ experience and spread hugs.

My innocent daughter smiled and replied, “I bet the runners liked the hug more than Ken running.” From the looks of the video, Stella was absolutely right.

So many lessons in such a simple act from random acts of kindness to the tough lesson of sometimes, things that we really want don’t happen for a reason because someone else has a bigger and better plan for us.

 

 

Making Healthy Food A Part Of Your Family

While choosing to eat healthy is the first step, getting the rest of the family to follow suit, may be a challenge. I can eat as healthy as I choose, for Stella (3 ½ years-old) and Carter (18 months) this is a whole other story.

I know the importance of ensuring that my little ones develop good eating habits at an early age. I am not sure if it is my fault (tracing back to my pregnancy cravings), but they both have quite the sweet tooth. But habits should be formed now because as they get older, they will be harder to break.

Here are some things that I have tried that have proved to have some success with keeping the kids’ eating habits on track:

·        Offer healthy choices – If the snack choice consists of chips or rice cakes, it is no surprise that the kids will choose chip.    I mean, come on, wouldn’t you? Both of my little ones are  old enough to make choices (even if Carter does this simply by pointing and shaking his head). When I allow them to  open the pantry for a snack, they find the least healthy item   in there. Instead, I will select two things to choose from, like applesauce or a banana, that way, I am happy with whatever they choose. If the kids don’t want either? Then they must  not be that hungry

Crab legs! Who knew the kids would love them!

·        Re-write the kids’ menu – Who says that kids have to have traditional “kid-friendly” food. As soon as mine had teeth, they were eating what hubby and I were eating. They now gobble up things like tofu and salmon and turn their noses up at peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The best part? Mom    or dad only has to cook one meal!

 

·        Be the captain of your ship – Who does the grocery shopping in the house? If there is a lot of junk food – it didn’t get there by accident. I remind myself when at the grocery store that if I buy a box of cookies, someone will eat them. The less junk food I buy, the less tempted everyone is to indulge.

·        Don’t make the kids “clean their plate” – While this strategy may have been used by our parents, it is not the best practice. Forcing kids to “clean their plate” only makes eating a chore. It also forces kids to eat when they may no longer be hungry. All that teaches them is too overeat and not listen to their bodies.

·        Remember that food is not love – I really had to struggle with this one. I am guilty of passing out cookies, baking brownies, or going out for ice cream when Stella has done something good. It is embarrassing because, sometimes, she asks if she has been good and I know that this is a code for wanting a sweet treat. Instead, I have to find other ways to reward her for things. Perhaps it is an extra book before bed or allowing her to choose a game for us to play. Maybe I print out some free pages for her to color or paint. It is hard because a sweet treat is so much less time consuming than the other options but I know, in the end, this is the healthier choice.

If being a parent wasn’t hard enough, taking extra steps to ensure you are raising health-conscious eaters makes it harder. It takes time and planning (as if you didn’t have enough to do). But with the startling rates of childhood obesity and type-2 diabetes, this is not something that we can ignore. Lowering our kids’ risks of these nutrition-related diseases is easier than dealing with a chronically ill one.

Thanksgiving Thanks

It's no secret that my family has been going through tough times. But we are not different than any family. Everyone experiences ups and downs.

Something that I am finding out is that these tough times are changing my ways, my thinking, my attitudes. Changing them forever.

I have become so much more thankful than I used to be. Things that I used to take for granted have become daily blessings. It is surprising actually that I had so much and never noticed. Now that so much is gone, I'm more grateful for the little things.

So to say my thanks and spread the spirit of Thanksgiving, I would like to share my new found blessings I give thanks for.

1. I am thankful that my alarm goes off at 5 a.m. in the morning so that I can head out for a dawn run. I see the sunrise and smell early morning a few times a week, and that's something many people miss.

2. I am thankful that I can only run three or four miles during the week because I have to rush back to get ready for work. My job used to be something that tied me down, but now it is everything that allows me to provide for my family.

3. I am thankful for my community. There are people who I barely know who have come forward, in amazing ways, to offer help, assistance and support. It humbles me, and it makes me want to be a better person.

4. I am thankful for the little voices and pitter-patter of feet that wake me up on the few days I have the luxury of sleeping in. They are my children, my reason behind any action, my heart.

5. I am thankful for my health. I can run, jump, play and swim with my family.

6. I am thankful for the roof over my head. With its old electrical system and its leaky roof, it keeps us warm at night and provides shelter, which unfortunately, some people do not have.

7. I am thankful for my family. While family can be such a source of headache and drama, my family has circled around us, supported us during our worse times.

8. I am thankful for my hubby. We don’t always get along, and we don’t always agree, but I am most thankful that in our toughest times we have one another to lean on. I have a person who will always be on my team through thick and thin.

Regardless of situation or circumstance, it is the start of the season of giving thanks and spreading joy. Joy, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, and I am so grateful that my vision is clear.

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!

Mommy Fail?

Stella, my 3-year-old daughter, told me the other day that I was not being nice to her. Putting her dramatic nature aside, I was still hurt by this comment.
         
It made me think. Am I a bad mom? Was I being a bad parent?

Us parents are busy. We work, we budget, we cook, we clean ... When I get home from work, I’m tired. I get an average of six hours of sleep at night. Sometimes I feel lucky that I find time to wash my hair.

On the way to pick up the kids after work, I feel excited. For a moment I realize that I missed my little babies all day, and I can’t wait to hug them, kiss them, squeeze them and smell them.
And then that moment is gone.

I think about dinner and how I'm going to get that dinner on the table while I am home alone with two kids until hubby gets home. I think about all the things I meant to do that day but never got to. I think about the laundry, the dishes and the phone calls I want to return but won’t be able to once my kids start running loose around the house.

I feel tired. Sometimes I just want quiet for one minute, I want this so badly that I get home, turn on the TV and plop my little ones down in front of it in hopes that they will not need me for maybe five minutes. Just five whole minutes.

This of course, never happens. When they do need me, less than one minute later, I feel irritated and annoyed. I wonder why they just can’t leave me alone. Then I feel sad.

I see their precious, innocent faces and remind myself that they need me because I am their mother and that is my job. Am I bad parent?

No, I'm not a bad parent. I care for my family. I do what I can to survive, as many of us do on a daily basis. Considering the fact that Stella made her claim based on the fact that she was not allowed to have a cookie until after dinner further proves my point. Our children may make claims that are real to them but not realistic at all.

We must remember that no matter what we do, we do it for our kids. And that makes us all GREAT parents.

Terrible Two's...Temper Tantrum Three's!!

Meltdowns in public are never good, especially if they involve your child.

When I see meltdowns of little ones, my heart immediately goes out the parent while I thank my lucky stars that it’s not my kid causing the scene.

Miss Sassy

I actually live in fear of the meltdown. I would like to think that I am a tough parent, but in all honesty, when I see the hints of a temper tantrum outside of my home (stomping feet, frown, furrowed brow, clenched fists) I will do almost anything necessary to avoid it.

And that means give in.

I am proud to say that the other night, while at dinner at a restaurant, Stella tried to use the threat of a meltdown. To make a long story short, she was given a balloon, didn’t listen, and up to the ceiling it went. She was sad, so we told her we would get her another when we finished dinner — if she was patient. She wasn’t patient. So she didn’t get a balloon.

Meltdown.

And I held my ground. Even though hubby took 9-month-old Carter and made a bee line for the front door, I stayed in the middle of the restaurant and help my ground. Through the tears, screaming, apologetic looks from the diners, and all.

Stella cried all the way to the car and the 10-minute car ride home. Mommy held her ground.

Of course, as they all do, Stella finally calmed down. Later that night, feeling guilty but proud, I told Stella that I was sorry that she had been sad and disappointed about the balloon. She told me that it was okay and that next time, she was just going to listen.

Score one for Mommy.

I Run And Now I Run For Boston

Since I pride on being able to call myself a runner, and running is the ONLY thing that I will take time and do for myself, the events at the Boston Marathon have really affected me.

I know that terrible things happen in the world, and I am always saddened and trouble by heinous acts that happen on a daily basis (so much I rarely watch the news,) but this one really got to me.

Since I have run a number of race events, my last half marathon was two weeks ago, I felt sheer horror when I saw what happened at the Boston Marathon. I had been watching the race online since it started. I watched the men’s, women’s and push winners cross the finish line. I asked my hubby if he thought Boston was a realistic goal for me. I dreamed.

And then the bombings occurred. I immediately knew what it felt like to run in a race knowing that your loved ones were waiting at the finish line. I couldn’t imagine being in the situation. My heart broke and my stomach turned over.

After some time, I had to turn the television off.

I am going to cut to the good part. And there is one. During times that seem to be the very darkest, humans always pull together to help part the clouds and let the sunshine in. So many events popped up via social media to honor, to unite, and to take a stand. I wanted to do them all.

I came across a movement called Run For Boston. It was simple, and I liked that. There were three things to do. First, run. Second, wear blue or yellow on your run. Third, make a Run For Boston sign with the name of your city on it and upload it to the Facebook page. Easy peasy.

Runners for Boston - Long Beach, CA

On Wednesday night, a group gathered at a local park. Some were part of my Galloway running group. Others just wanted to Run For Boston. We are now all friends. We had our strollers, our dogs, and the kids. It was a family affair.

We walked and ran for Boston along with thousands across the country.  We put Long Beach, CA on the map for Run For Boston.

I don’t know why I am always surprised at the compassion and love of others. I was tickled that strangers chose to come out on their own to take a run in honor of the Boston Marathon Bombings. We even had people at the park thank us for doing what we are doing.

Most importantly, our kids got to see the good that can come out of people. With the terrible events monopolizing the news, it is important that they know that love does prevail, as does compassion and strength.

There were other groups that came together this week for the same reasons. Some running groups gathered hundreds while some runners grabbed their neighbor. But to me, numbers don’t matter because in this event, we are all united for Boston.

It's All About Being a Mom

Being a mom is hard. I learned that long time ago, when I had my first child.  And just when I thought I had figured it all out, I got pregnant. And now I have two little ones. Stella is just shy of three years old and our new addition, Carter is seven months.

My reward for sucking it up.

To make things a little more complicated, I just went back to work. Back to work as in my full time job and my part-time evening job. I love both jobs so it wasn’t difficult to go back except for the fact that now all the other things that have to get done have to wait until after 5 pm.

Some people say since the hubby is home (he lost his job at the beginning of 2013,) he can do those things that need to get done around the house.  For those of you who have hubbies, you can laugh with me. Ha.

Every now and then, I feel like a superhero. And it’s a good feeling.  Yesterday, I got to work at 7 a.m. I ran home at lunch to nurse Carter. I had to be at my second job by 4:00 and got back home around 6:00. I threw dinner on the stove, put the running shoes on and hit the pavement for a four mile run. I got back in time to have dinner with my family. Granted I was sweaty but beggars can’t be choosers.

There was a day when I might have thrown myself a pity party.  I would have been bummed because I had too many things to do to go out for a run.  Or I would have felt guilty for choosing to run (which keeps me sane) and then ordering take out, or not having dinner with my kids.

But this time I grabbed the bull by the horns and took charge. It felt good.  I have learned that sometimes, you just have to suck it up. Because maybe, every now and then, you can be a good mom. And that is what it's all about.

You're a mom but do you "own" it?

A recent video of parents “rapping” about their household has been circling Facebook. The message is simple: Kids radically change your life and you should own it.

I’m sure I have talked plenty about all the changes kids bring, but the “owning” it part is new. With a two-and-a-half-year-old and a six-week-old, I am finally getting ahold of this concept.

I don’t stay out late anymore. I always have wet wipes in my purse. I have replaced designer duds for those that wash easily. Unfortunately, I spent a good part of my first child’s infancy struggling to maintain part of my old life. And I missed out on enjoying my new one.

There is so much that goes into parenting that it is easy to wish for the simpler life you had before. When there was nothing to worry about but you and your significant other. The hubby and I still reminisce about those days, but we have realized that — although more complicated — our lives are so much fuller now.

Crumbs, endless laundry, and pajama time at 9 p.m. works perfectly for me. Getting dressed up means I have to put make-up on. Nights out are still fun, and as I said last week, much needed. But things have changed from frequent nights on the town to family time at home. My recent adult-only nights out have shown me one thing, the only thing I am missing out on are my kids.

I am a mom of two. And like I used to with my designer jeans, I am going to own it — in style.

Check out the video that inspired this post. Hilarious.

Nourishing the Roots

I write a lot about taking care of my children. I have recently realized that I overlook something that I think most parents overlook: Taking care of the parents.

It is a known fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce. In fact, I would bet that that number is higher now. Between putting food on the table and focusing on the kids, I think many couples forget that they have relationships to nurture.

It’s so hard to make time for anything else but work and your kids.

Date night to a Dave Matthews Band concert

When I do find time, my dear hubby often encourages me to go out and do something on my own. He pushes me to get a pedicure, or take a girls’ night out, or something to that effect. Although this is important too, I have learned that it is more important to spend time alone with him.

Getting someone to care for both our kids (especially since our new addition, Carter, is only five weeks old) is outside of my comfort zone. I relax more when the kids are with my hubby. However, stepping outside this comfort zone is important if I want to make sure we get our couple time together. And so it is done.

While many of my married girlfriends are doing everything they can to get a night out with the girls, I plan on nights out with my man as my date. We go dancing, hit some concerts, or have quick, quiet adult dinners. I have noticed that our other friends, who do similar, seem to have more solid, satisfying marriages.

I will admit that not too long ago, I was one of those women who wanted out of the house without the hubby. Although there is certainly nothing wrong with this, I found that our relationship was getting the short end of the stick.

Like with any team, bonding is important. It is hard to do with kids in the mix. And it certainly doesn’t happen after a long night of dinner, baths, and bedtime with two youngsters. Make it a priority to spend alone time with your significant other, even if it is just an hour or two.

Your entire family will benefit.

TV...Is it all bad?

We all have moments when we question our parenting. Since welcoming our second child, I have been doing this a lot.

There comes a time when we all fall into what I like to call survival mode. Whether it is due to a hectic schedule, new family members, or just pure exhaustion, all parents come to a time when they go against their better judgment and not make the best parenting choices.

One thing that I feel strongly about is allowing Stella television time. I try to be very conscientious about how much time I allow her in front of the television and what she watches. I want television time to be something that is a treat and not the main activity she turns to. Instead I try to keep her occupied with crafts, playing outside, reading, etc. Many of these activities require a parent to join in.

Because I am now taking care of a two-week-old boy in addition to Stella, I am not able to play with my daughter as much as before. While the hubby does his best to step in, he is not always able to. I have found that I have allowed Stella more television time than normal, especially when I need to turn my attention to the baby.

It is no secret that kids pick things up from television.

I was sitting with Stella the other night watching one of her favorite shows and feeding the baby. I was talking to Stella about what was watching on TV and it surprised me how much she had learned from the show. She was able to participate and give all the correct answers during the interactive parts. When the show was over, I asked her a few things about what she had seen. It turns out that she learned some good stuff (the episode happened to be about dinosaurs). This got me thinking; does television always have to be a bad thing?

There are about four shows that Stella is allowed to watch. We record a few episodes and leave them on our DVR and she picks from those when she gets TV time. I feel that all of the shows are age appropriate and have some type of educational component.

It turns out she had learned some things from these shows.

Why should children be any different than adults? We learn things from some of the shows that we watch, especially on channels like Discovery or the History Channel. Our children can gain some useful knowledge from the television, as long as we are monitoring what they are watching.

I know that television should not be the babysitter. I also know that we all have a time when allowing our kids a little time in front of the tube is the best that we can do. Instead of punishing ourselves about it, why not just make good choices when having to do it?

Here's my recommendation: Research the shows that are available to your kids and limit the TV programs to ones that focus on learning skills. If your child is older, have your daughter or son choose from channels that are educational. If possible, record shows on the DVR so that there is always something appropriate for them to watch.

I don’t feel great about letting Stella sit in front of the television, but I know that I can control what she sees. By learning how to limit what and when she watches, TV time doesn’t have to be a bad thing for us or our kids.

Family Fun on the 4th

BBQs, block parties, and sparklers are all part of the red, white, and blue on the 4th of July.  No matter how your family chooses to celebrate, I am sure that there are traditions in the making.

This year, we have decided to go the our city's aquarium for their 4th of July picnic and fireworks event. What better way to celebrate an already fabulous day then by spending it with the fish?  Stella is sure to have plenty to tucker her out for the night.

The biggest challenge can be keeping the kids occupied and out of trouble until the firework spectacular.  Depending on where you live, the shows can start fairly late, 9 p.m. where we live (I hope I can make it that far!)

I found some great 4th of July ideas to keep the kids busy and have fun while doing it!
Disney's 4th of July Crafts for Kids

Wishing you a safe and happy 4th of July!

Facebook: A Place For Our Little Ones?

Facebook is one of my lifelines.

My husband and I have family and friends who live all over the place, including overseas, and Facebook allows us to communicate and stay in touch. Facebook allows us to post photos of Stella (the way I see it is Stella is much cuter than my husband or me, especially since I'm more than eight months pregnant) and see what our friends are posting, too.

I can regularly look at pictures of my other friends' children, and I enjoy feeling connected to all of my long, lost friends out there who also are discovering the joys of parenting. I even enjoy pictures of my friends who are not yet parents because it allows me to live vicariously through their adult-only experiences.

All that is great, but sometimes I question some of the tagged photos I see on Facebook. I often see pictures of friends' kids who are tagged in someone else's photo. I wonder how the parents feel about this.

When someone tags Stella in a picture what that means is that there are hundreds of other people looking at a picture of my daughter. Depending on their security settings, we could be talking about thousands of other people. People I don't know.

I could be having one of my overprotective mom moments, but something about this bugs me. Is there a safety issue with having thousands of people have access to a picture of my daughter? Is there some Facebook etiquette where another adult should ask your permission before posting a picture of your child? Am I committing the same act by posting pictures on my own Facebook page?  Is blogging the same thing?

Like other parental debates - such as whether or not to spank you child or whether or not (and what age) do you let children stay home alone -the camp is divided. Some parents want to protect their children from the dangers that can come with posting pictures of children on the Internet. Others think that photo sharing is a sign of the times that we all must learn to live with.

For me, I just need to follow some rules for now. No pictures of naked Stella, no matter how cute her tush is. I also need to be aware of posting pictures of Stella with other children. A common courtesy would be for one parent to ask another if it is all right to post a picture, especially if those in the photograph are going to be identified with tags.

It is unfortunate that we have to think about things like this, but it is even more unfortunate when a picture that was meant to be shared with friends and family ends up on the wrong hands.

Just wait until Stella is old enough to have her own Facebook - I'm sure that's when the real worrying will begin.

Does this belong on Facebook?

Please and Thank Yous

Mind your manners. This was a phrase that so many of us heard growing up. From behaviors demonstrated in public, many of us question if manners are a thing of the past, especially with children.

We have all watched enough reality TV and gone to places where children run free to have wondered at least once if some parents bother to teach their children manners at all.

A comment from a stranger about Stella's manners prompted my thinking on this topic. It was a positive comment, after her swim lesson, when the desk clerk remarked on how nicely she asked for her snack. Stella had simply used the word "please." I found it curious that use of this word actually earned positive praise. In my mind, it goes with the territory.

However, I have been around enough little ones (and some big ones) to know that many of our youngsters have not been taught manners. They ask for things without so much as a please or thank you; and they get them.

Around our house, Stella does not get anything without saying please.

It is never too early to start teaching your little one manners. As soon as they can ask for things, they should be taught how to ask for them. It shouldn't stop there. "Excuse me", "God Bless You", "I'm sorry" and "Your welcome" are also part of Stella's vocabulary. As is my personal favorite, "May I be excused, please?"

I realize I am bragging about something that I cannot take full credit for. Stella's day care provider deserves much of the credit for Stella being a polite child. They are taught manners in that environment and those manners are imposed. However, the hubby and I have to do our parts as well. We have to enforce and more importantly, we have to model.

There are so many times during the day when I come into contact with rude adults. Times that would prove to be much more pleasant if accompanied with a "Thank you" or a simple "Excuse me." I wonder if anyone ever taught those people manners.

And I remember my role as a parent. Society will thank me later.

Mommy is a sucker for manners...and she knows it.

The Sass Mouth

I always knew the time would come. I had been fairly warned but like many unknown things, I did not know what to expect. It has reared its feisty and sometimes amusing head.the sass mouth.

When I found out that we were having a girl, I knew that I had a lot of sassiness coming my way. Being a seventh grade teacher, I was afraid.

Just shy of Stella's second birthday, a guest has arrived in our house and has fully unpacked her bags; the sass mouth. I don't know where she came from or what powers the phrases she spurts but it is shocking.and sometimes just down right funny.

I should have known it was coming one day, not too long ago, when I was reading a text on my phone. Stella put her hand in my way and said, "No phone, mommy." The rest soon followed.

I am very proud of my daughter. One of the things that most amazes me is the extension of her quick growing vocabulary. I am aware that she is in a mimicking phase (and for this I have to be most cautious) which I know is a contributing factor.

On her current list of sassy things to say we have "Please stop" as well as "Move please" and my personal favorite "Stop talking please." At least she is polite. This is often accompanied with a hand in the face, a judging look down her nose or a furrowed brow.

I have been putting some heavy thought into what exactly my reaction is supposed to be. Is this time to discipline or talk about "nice" and "not nice" things to say? Is there anything wrong with her being able to express herself, especially is she is saying it in a polite way? I know at day care, they are learning to stand up for themselves. Is this a part of her being able to stand up and speak for herself?

The other night, she hit her head because she was crawling under the table. I had told her not to, of course but she didn't listen (she is almost two, why would she?) When she cried because she had hit her head, I told her that it was her own fault and that was why it is important to listen to mommy. Stella simply looked at me and replied, "It's mommy's fault." Sometimes I just have to laugh out loud.

I have a feeling it is going to be a long next ten years. Ok, maybe fifteen.

How can someone so cute be so sassy?

No Time Like The Present

There was a good amount of time where I think I kind of fought being a parent. I was super excited when Stella was born but I can now admit that there was a part of me that didn't want to let go of my old life. Maybe I just didn't know how.

I am one of those people that always seems to want more. My hubby says I will never be satisfied. I don't think this is a bad thing. I love my jobs, being with friends, and staying busy. I can never sit still. When Stella was born, I was still determined to maintain my "old" lifestyle by keeping both of my jobs and a social life. I could juggle it all. I was the queen of multi-tasking.

Let's fast forward to the present; almost two years later. Things have changed. I am now five months pregnant with my second child and do NOTHING while I am at home except clean and give Stella my full and undivided attention. Work at home? No way. I do not watch TV when she is awake, I do not get on the computer, and I truly try to limit my cell phone game (darn you Words With Friends and Draw Something.) I have come to learn that the most important thing is to spend time with Stella. What little free time I do have should be fully devoted to my child (sorry hubby.) Some my disagree with me and maybe not all children need this. Stella's mood and behavior shows me that my undivided attention when I am with her is exactly what she needs and enjoys. The story times, the songs we sing, and the endless games of "matching" that we play is when we find her the most happy.

I know that this isn't possible all of the time. Sure, there are dishes to be done, food to be cooked and so forth but when I do have down time, it does not need to be spent watching TV or reading or texting on the phone when I can spend quality time with Stella. Is it difficult to do? Of course it is. There are many things that go on in my mind including the endless lists of things to do. But, I have learned to tune them out. Because in the end, I am happiest knowing that although there may be dirty dishes in the sink, I spent an hour of my free time with my child. I won't remember doing the dishes but I will remember that time. And so will Stella.

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There Is No "I" In Team

I am learning that parenting is like a roller coaster.

One day your child is an angel and the next, you catch a glimpse of a devil’s tail as they round the corner. As Stella gets older, I am learning that the change is more frequent and unpredictable.

One of our current challenges is getting Stella to bed. We somehow seem to be missing the “window” of optimum sleepy time and find ourselves in the hyper, second-wind stage.

With me working three 12-hour days (and being five months pregnant), my hubby and I have settled into our bedtime routine roles. I am in charge of bubbles and bath time and then I pass Stella on to her father for stories and bedtime. Sometimes, as I am drifting in and out of sleep, I can hear my husband’s attempts to calm Stella down way past 9:30 p.m.

As you can imagine, the role sharing is not always “fair” (it never is, is it.) I get to be in bed before the hubby while he sometimes struggles late into the night (late for me, that is) to get Stella down. He gets frustrated. A lot.

When the frustration arises, I have to, very gently, remind him that if we want to look at “fairness," there are plenty of other roles that I would happily trade for bedtime.

Although this is not always well received, in the end, we have to remember that our household can only be successful if both of us are involved.

Unfortunately, working full time can get in the way for both of us. Even after a long day at the office, the household still needs to be tended to, by both of us.

The other night — on one of our rare nights where we were both awake at the same time — my husband wondered aloud what we were going to do when baby number two comes. I told him we would do the same thing that we were doing now, happily (sometimes) sharing the duties of running a house with not one, but two children.

All couples argue and fight. Life is stressful with or without children. The one thing that I try to remember is that as parents, the only way to successfully run the household is to work together, in whatever way that may work.

When keeping score, it may not always appear as an even game, but in the end, it somehow works. Single parents deserve a standing ovation … and big bottle of wine.

Mommy's Away...

I've been out of town for just a little over 24 hours and I have to laugh at myself. While I have been guiltily giddy over a couple of quiet nights away, I sure have been missing Stella.  I don't miss the chaos, the mess, or the cooking, but I do miss my little girl and her laugh, her smile, her toddler talk, and her smell.  I've got it bad.

This is always a reminder of how much life and priorities change once you become a mommy.  It truly shows me that I was, indeed, ready for being a mom and all of its glories and challenges.  It's nice to have that reinforced sometimes.

The hubby and I looked at one another the other day, somewhere in the middle of Stella running circles around us and drawing on the walls in crayon.  He said to me, "How are we going to do this with two?"  While the thought seems impossible at times, little nights away ease my mind that we can do it and that we are ready to do it.  Well, as ready as we will ever be. 

I don't always see other parents grasp parenthood.  I love a night out with the girls or a weekend getaway without Stella, but those things always bring me to one place.  I am a mom.  No matter how I dress, where I go, or how many glasses of chard I may have (not now, of course), my main role is being a mom to Stella and soon to be baby #2.  I come home happy to get back into that role, missing my little girl. I sure am enjoying this comfy bed and quiet room right now... But as much as I need a break sometimes, I am more grateful for what awaits me at home. 

Accomplishments for the Right Reasons

One of the things that we know as parents is that we have a crucial job of a role model. The biggest question isn't "How can I be a good one?" but should be "What do I want to model to my children?"

I decided a few months ago to raise money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society by running with their Team in Training at the Inaugural Tinker Bell Half Marathon at Disneyland. As I have said before, I used to be a runner and had slowly been trying to get my way back to where I used to be after having Stella. I thought this was a fitting goal and a great way to raise money for a wonderful cause in honor of a friend who had recently been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

I started training at the beginning of October and immediately had reservations. I'm always complaining about how little time I have as it is, and I began to question by sanity by taking on another task; one that would require a lot of time training. After talking it over with hubby, we decided that it was something that I should do. Nearly every Saturday morning for four months, I rose at 6 a.m. to meet my group for our runs. During the week, I got out of bed in the dark or ran late into the night in order to squeeze in my mid-weeks.

Days before Christmas, we found out that we were expecting baby number two. Hubby and I were overjoyed, and I again questioned whether or not running a half marathon is something I should be doing. Since quitting is not in my nature, with our doctor's blessing, I continued to train through first trimester exhaustion and morning sickness.

The half marathon was last Sunday, Jan. 29 th . I was really nervous in the days leading up to the event, but found myself excited while waiting in the corral Sunday morning at 5:30 a.m.

After a great run, passing the 13 mile marker, I had renewed energy knowing that Stella, hubby, and my brother were waiting at the finish line. Heading towards the finish, I caught a glimpse of my hubby holding Stella high above the crowd, trying to point me out. I stepped over to the side and called her name, waving, emotions rushing over me as I saw her, and knowing that after many months, I had completed the 13.1 miles (three months pregnant, no less.)

After making my way through the chute, Stella jumps into my arms. I have never seen her so excited as she says, "Mommy running." I asked her what she thought of seeing mommy run and Stella responds, "I clapping." and gives me a giant hug.

I knew at that moment that the training, the fundraising, and the completion of my half marathon were well worth it. As a mother, these are the things I want to model to my children, working hard, making sacrifices, perseverance, and mostly importantly, successfully accomplishing the goals that you set for yourself.

A memorable morning view

Stella admiring my medal

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