Missing Milestones and Avoiding a Meltdown (for both mom and child)

Oops, I did it again.

Nope, not the Brittany song but the real life, mommy moments that I have. Just when I feel like a mom rock star, I do it again and feel that dreaded, pit in the stomach, "I am a mom fail" feeling all over again. 

I missed a moment. Not like a temper-tantrum moment or a "watch me mom" moment but a really, crucial, it only happens once kind of moment. 

If it sounds like I have done this more than once, you are right. And it doesn't feel good. The missed first lost tooth, the Christmas recital...and now, the second missed pre-school graduation ceremony. (Yes, I said second.) I know, I know, "it's just pre-school" says every non-mommy out there. But you all get me. And I missed it. 

Now the reasons why these things happen are not important, but what is important here is that there are ways to cope with the missed milestones, ways that will benefit both you and your
child. The bottom line is that, no matter how hard you try, unless you are Wonder Woman (and we all want to be her), you are going to miss moments. At some point in time, it is going to happen.

So, the bigger question is HOW can we cope when these moments are missed? What are some strategies to use when that time actually comes? 

I have three strategies that not only will sooth your soul, but also that of your child's.

Forgive Yourself

Memories in the Making: Celebrate by having a family adventure,
going to your favorite restaurant or making a favorite meal!

We all know that "mom guilt" is a tough one. I am sure most moms, at some point during the day feel a sense of that and it is at its strongest when we miss a special moment. You are an amazing mom. Your children are fed, clothed and loved. That is really what matters.

Talk to Your Child
Whether you know you are going to miss the special moment or realize it in hindsight, talk to your child about their accomplishment. Remind them how much you love them, how proud you are and that there is no other place that you would rather be then there with them. It is not as important to give them the reason why you were absent but rather the fact that you missed not being able to be there.

Celebrate in Your Own Way 
All things can be fixed with a proper celebration. Who needs to traditional award ceremony in the dark auditorium anyway? Decide how to celebrate and make the milestone special. Better yet, ask your child how they would like to celebrate their accomplishment. Make your little one feel special and recognize them in your own, unique, family way. These are the memories that will last.

It is not about the missed milestone but rather the make up moment. You can create the joy and celebration of what your child has accomplished on your own time and in your own way. Chin up mama, I know how important it is to be there for EVERYTHING but unless you are going to follow your kids around FOREVER (please, don't be that mom), there will be missed moments. But you and your magical mom touch can still ensure that the special moment is celebrated and captured forever. 

TV...Is it all bad?

We all have moments when we question our parenting. Since welcoming our second child, I have been doing this a lot.

There comes a time when we all fall into what I like to call survival mode. Whether it is due to a hectic schedule, new family members, or just pure exhaustion, all parents come to a time when they go against their better judgment and not make the best parenting choices.

One thing that I feel strongly about is allowing Stella television time. I try to be very conscientious about how much time I allow her in front of the television and what she watches. I want television time to be something that is a treat and not the main activity she turns to. Instead I try to keep her occupied with crafts, playing outside, reading, etc. Many of these activities require a parent to join in.

Because I am now taking care of a two-week-old boy in addition to Stella, I am not able to play with my daughter as much as before. While the hubby does his best to step in, he is not always able to. I have found that I have allowed Stella more television time than normal, especially when I need to turn my attention to the baby.

It is no secret that kids pick things up from television.

I was sitting with Stella the other night watching one of her favorite shows and feeding the baby. I was talking to Stella about what was watching on TV and it surprised me how much she had learned from the show. She was able to participate and give all the correct answers during the interactive parts. When the show was over, I asked her a few things about what she had seen. It turns out that she learned some good stuff (the episode happened to be about dinosaurs). This got me thinking; does television always have to be a bad thing?

There are about four shows that Stella is allowed to watch. We record a few episodes and leave them on our DVR and she picks from those when she gets TV time. I feel that all of the shows are age appropriate and have some type of educational component.

It turns out she had learned some things from these shows.

Why should children be any different than adults? We learn things from some of the shows that we watch, especially on channels like Discovery or the History Channel. Our children can gain some useful knowledge from the television, as long as we are monitoring what they are watching.

I know that television should not be the babysitter. I also know that we all have a time when allowing our kids a little time in front of the tube is the best that we can do. Instead of punishing ourselves about it, why not just make good choices when having to do it?

Here's my recommendation: Research the shows that are available to your kids and limit the TV programs to ones that focus on learning skills. If your child is older, have your daughter or son choose from channels that are educational. If possible, record shows on the DVR so that there is always something appropriate for them to watch.

I don’t feel great about letting Stella sit in front of the television, but I know that I can control what she sees. By learning how to limit what and when she watches, TV time doesn’t have to be a bad thing for us or our kids.