Missing Milestones and Avoiding a Meltdown (for both mom and child)

Oops, I did it again.

Nope, not the Brittany song but the real life, mommy moments that I have. Just when I feel like a mom rock star, I do it again and feel that dreaded, pit in the stomach, "I am a mom fail" feeling all over again. 

I missed a moment. Not like a temper-tantrum moment or a "watch me mom" moment but a really, crucial, it only happens once kind of moment. 

If it sounds like I have done this more than once, you are right. And it doesn't feel good. The missed first lost tooth, the Christmas recital...and now, the second missed pre-school graduation ceremony. (Yes, I said second.) I know, I know, "it's just pre-school" says every non-mommy out there. But you all get me. And I missed it. 

Now the reasons why these things happen are not important, but what is important here is that there are ways to cope with the missed milestones, ways that will benefit both you and your
child. The bottom line is that, no matter how hard you try, unless you are Wonder Woman (and we all want to be her), you are going to miss moments. At some point in time, it is going to happen.

So, the bigger question is HOW can we cope when these moments are missed? What are some strategies to use when that time actually comes? 

I have three strategies that not only will sooth your soul, but also that of your child's.

Forgive Yourself

Memories in the Making: Celebrate by having a family adventure,
going to your favorite restaurant or making a favorite meal!

We all know that "mom guilt" is a tough one. I am sure most moms, at some point during the day feel a sense of that and it is at its strongest when we miss a special moment. You are an amazing mom. Your children are fed, clothed and loved. That is really what matters.

Talk to Your Child
Whether you know you are going to miss the special moment or realize it in hindsight, talk to your child about their accomplishment. Remind them how much you love them, how proud you are and that there is no other place that you would rather be then there with them. It is not as important to give them the reason why you were absent but rather the fact that you missed not being able to be there.

Celebrate in Your Own Way 
All things can be fixed with a proper celebration. Who needs to traditional award ceremony in the dark auditorium anyway? Decide how to celebrate and make the milestone special. Better yet, ask your child how they would like to celebrate their accomplishment. Make your little one feel special and recognize them in your own, unique, family way. These are the memories that will last.

It is not about the missed milestone but rather the make up moment. You can create the joy and celebration of what your child has accomplished on your own time and in your own way. Chin up mama, I know how important it is to be there for EVERYTHING but unless you are going to follow your kids around FOREVER (please, don't be that mom), there will be missed moments. But you and your magical mom touch can still ensure that the special moment is celebrated and captured forever. 

Mommy Needs a Meltdown

Why can’t I have a meltdown?

This is something I often wonder when I watch Stella, who is almost 3 years old, emotionally crumble when something doesn’t go her way.
 The "terrible twos" stage continues. The other day I watched her sob uncontrollably in a hunched over position after she learned that there were only orange popsicles left in the freezer.

Sometimes I want to hunch over and sob uncontrollably over things. Times in our household are not easy since we closed our retail store down at the end of last year. This has hit our pocketbooks, and our savings, which meant to supplement my income during child care leave, is dwindling away faster than we hoped.

Why can’t I just have one little meltdown?

My Meltdown Prevention Program -
finishing a half marathon last Sunday

In a world where being emotionally stable is a must, I wonder how others get through the tough times. As a parent, it is so important to model emotions in a healthy way. We need to teach our children how to be resilient and handle disappointment and frustration with a grain of salt. But sometimes, don’t we just want to scream at the top of our lungs?

I rarely cry. I keep it inside and let it build up until it eventually explodes. It maybe explodes once a year. Since our store has closed, perhaps a little more frequently.

Parents are supposed to be the “strong ones” and that just makes it even more important for us to have an outlet. Something we can do or someplace we can go to let it all out.

For me it is running. The one thing I can do on my own, in silence, alone with my thoughts. We all need a place like that. It keeps me from going into meltdown mode … most of the time.